Grumpolina

Not a long lost cousin of Cinderella or a new vegan rice based dessert. No. This is me today. Tired. Bit of a cold. Zero makeup. Looking like a bag lady. E has fallen asleep , catching up on the zzzz’s he missed last night from crying and being upset.

I’ve taken this morning off work to hang out with E. He’s the original Petri dish of germs. This week it’s a stinker of a cold. Last week it was something else. The week before probably something poo-related. As we have our own biz I don’t need to ask permission to take time off to look after him, or book time off in advance. I’m very lucky. We look at what work we’ve got, what are the priorities and divvy it up accordingly. We then sensibly discuss who’s going to look after child and there we are. Simple and straightforward.

No.

That’s what I would like to think I’d do.

Instead I can only describe my actions and attitude to this week as Britney Spears-Esque just before she went a bit buzz cut happy with the clippers.

I’ve churned over mistakes I’ve made not only over the last few days but possibly life choices I’ve made over the last 20 years. I’ve instantly put myself in the bad mother box for not really prioritising time with poorly boy but instead fretted over deadlines, clients, cleaning and chuffing Slimming World. I’ve been horrible to be around and have questioned my motives for all things.

The actual truth is, now that I can take a breath to think about it, is that I’m just a bit tired and have a cold too. E only wants me when he’s poorly and that, like his cold, won’t last for much longer.

We started this biz so we could do what we love, with people we like doing it with on the terms we want to work to. We’re good at what we do. But it’s easy to feel the polar opposite of that when you’re feeling a bit blue.

This afternoon I’ll hand E over to T while I trot off to London for a meeting. It’s taking place in one of my fave venues and I’ll be meeting with people I genuinely like talking about issues I’m passionate about.

Sometimes it can all feel a bit overwhelming. But a lot of the time it’s just a case of pressing Control, Alt, Delete and resetting your Applications.

Apologies to anyone I’ve snapped at this week. Including Alexa. Which I may have called a ****ing useless piece of ****.

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